The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Looks like we're not going swimming today. Hopefully the weather holds out so we're not fishing in the pouring rain. =] Hopefully.



I may enter the Princess into a fish tournament for kids this weekend if I can find the information on it. XD

I guess it's better to be overwhelmed by the things in the past then worry about a crapload in the future.



I'm cornered by all the emotions from it and I can't seem to process them properly. It's upsetting.



This is the part of the grieving process I always get stuck on when someone dies... and my therapist was right... I need to grieve the little girl who had nothing left.



I feel as though I am still that little child with Mr. Bubbles under the bed trying not to think of anything that would get me in trouble because he would tell.



This is exactly why I would love to forget what's happened to me. This is why I would be willing to forget everything just to escape the past.



I'm desperate to get over this. Yet I'm too chicken shit to face it and actually heal from it all.



Every time I start the process, it just seems continuous. I'll start, remember something new, become overwhelmed, try to get past it, almost relapse, and then pretend none of it happened.



That's the cycle. There's some variance every time but it at least has the general idea there.



I'm so tired of it affecting me this damn much.

COMMENTS

-

---

fyre
15:06 Jul 29 2013

I don't think that being overwhelmed is any different then being worried to be honest... It may be worse... You can't change the past, but you can work to fix the worries of the future...

---

POST COMMENT

I'm sorry. It doesn't have much to do with you. I feel pretty stupid.



Yeah, I'm like camouflaging myself now. Buh-bye!

I've thought a lot and written a lot today. I can't say if what I sent will make a difference or not in how he sees me or explain to her why I've always been like I am but I'm hoping it's a little bit of an explanation I just thought I needed to spit out.



If nothing else, I feel a little better getting some off of my chest and out in the open. I cried a lot. But I feel a little better.



I'm still writing in my personal journal. I've printed a bit and since I can't get anywhere to print out the rest, I'm writing it out word for word. O_O



Although, with what I typed this evening/night, I can't see writing it all out so I'm waiting to add that until Monday. I think that's the most I've ever written out to anyone except Brett but those messages are long gone since the server went down on here forever ago.



I think I'm starting to feel okay-ish. I actually got a bit more sleep last night and this morning so I'm thinking more clearly.



Whatever happens, it'll be okay. I have faith in that much.



I've survived hell of sorts and I'm sure I can survive whatever life has to throw at me.



I feel like a horrible person when I lay down to sleep at night and comfort myself with the thought that there's people out there who had it worse then I did as a child... especially when I know one personally.



It's upsetting when I couldn't do anything to help them when they were breaking and yet, when they held me, humming and rocking me, my world seemed to be saved. I felt loved for the first time in my life without any conditions. I felt like no matter what happened to me in the past, it wasn't going to matter to anyone who loved me in the future.



Yet, I struggle with it.



Tonight I asked Brett if he still resented me for him trying to work things out with me and not leave with E. He doesn't. I asked him if he was sure and everything else. He is. He knows it could have gone a lot of different ways but he's happy it did go this way.



I guess when it comes down to it, there's no sense in wanting something you've never tasted once. I can't see my life any worse for not getting to take part in what I wanted and really thought may have had a chance to happen. I'm questioning everything and I feel rather lost.



It's like I'm thinking of Mr. Bubbles and what SHE would say. I swear one day, I'll burn that clown to go to stuffed animal heaven or hell with Mister Carmel Cupcake but for now, I can't seem to part with it since my daddy got it for me. That's probably the reason SHE did it and used Mr. Bubbles against me.



Heh, I wonder what those old men are going to say this week when I go in there with my journal, a whole bunch of cutouts, craft paper, rubber cement, and a bunch of stickers. I bet they're going to think I've lost my mind.



I'm unsure of whether I'm taking the laptop with me. Really unsure. I keep letting things get to me more when I'm typing or reading things on the net at the moment. At least away from it, I've got other things to do and even with me writing bout stuffs, I can make it pretty and avoid crying so much.



God, I feel pathetic.



I just want fucked into mindless moans right now and I doubt it'll happen with me being so jumpy from a single touch.

Aurora caught her very first fish yesterday! She caught three blue gills all on her own and pulled two in that her Papa hooked. She loved it. She tickled the bellies of the worms so they would go "ahhh" so we could put them on the hooks. ♥ So priceless. I'm so proud of her. I just got a fishing pole today and Brett his license so we can go without my stepdad and mom if we want. =]



I hate that I really want to talk to Anthony and he can't get reception at the place he's moving into or whatever. It makes me sad right now since I would love to get him on the phone and rant for a good few hours on everything.



Brett's getting better. The dam of emotions and bottled up frustration from years is about to break and I can feel it. I just hope he knows I'm here if/when it does to help him pick up all the pieces.



I'm so happy I've kept trying to work on him and I. The past couple of weeks have been amazing with him actually caring and finding a bit of love for life too. I don't see us parting ways completely. Although at this moment, I'm still not sure if I want us to be together again just yet.



As for the other situation, I don't want it to be an issue anymore. It's stressing everyone out obviously. I think that may be one reason I've just wanted to run from it all. I don't want to be the problem with their relationship. I'm not like that. I'm happy for them and I'm more then happy for her finding someone who makes her happy. That's what matters the most to me and I hope they both do know that.



"I'm sorry you feel upset by this. I love you to pieces.



Please don't disappear from my life.."



I don't know how she ever thought I was going to disappear from her life. I adore her more then I can say. If she wants me out of her life ever, it would take a lot. I don't plan on going anywhere. I don't expect him to either. And I feel rather ashamed and guilty for the thoughts I'm having and emotions I've been feeling.



I'm just done. I'll get over this, I'm sure.



I really don't know if our friendship will stay the same but I hope it does. I just kind of wish it all didn't happen. I kind of wish I was never thought of at all and surprised that I was. I wish I was never messaged.



I guess it's rather bad of me to want to hear the words you have to say just because I feel like it's being kind of swept under the rug. But then I guess it's not an issue anymore since there's no worries of me doing anything with her.



By the way, I do understand those kinds of heart problems. My nephew is a heart baby so yeah. A lot of people around me have had issues like that. I'm sorry you're so stressed. I don't even know why considering. Plus, I didn't expect you to reply on any of my recent rambles or whatever you want to call them. I wrote that message on FB to Frankie and the only reason I posted it to the conversation with both of you is because I thought you would like to know what was going on. That's all. You were not meant to be the recipient. I really don't expect we'll talk again personally for a while now, if ever.



Forgive me, I'm frustrated. I'm in a bad spot and I don't even understand how all of this came about. I saw it coming and yet, I never thought it would be this bad.



I'm sorry for everything I've caused but I sure won't apologize for feeling the things I do for her.



This week and next week are going to be my last weeks to get online at McDonalds for the wifi. I'm thinking of staying home most of this week and ignoring it all as much as I can.



I plan on getting everything in order in case Anthony just decides he wants to come up, visit, and get away for a few days. Aurora starts kindergarten next month. Brett's birthday is coming up. Not only that, our anniversary is coming up.



Wow, I'm still thinking of that. I ended us months ago and yet, we act like boyfriend/girlfriend more then ever other then when we were in Nashville. It's weird. At any rate I plan on celebrating it all the same. =] Something good to look forward to. I'm hoping my mommy takes Aurora for the day or one day that weekend so we can spend some time alone.



Other then that, the big fair, Aurora's sixth birthday, Christmas, and how much more? I just want to get everything in order for it all.



I doubt I'll be cool with her coming to visit now. I keep feeling horrible like I'm a two year old throwing a tantrum and it's not how I'm meaning it to sound.



If I don't let her come over to visit, am I going to regret it? I don't know.



We've been looking forward to it for so long. Hell, Anthony was willing to pay for her to come visit me just because he knew how happy it would make me. Yet I think he's kind of upset with me for wanting to call it all off.



But there's so much to be done. We need to get enough wood cut and split yet for the winter months. We need to transfer the coal down to the other pile. We need to do a lot.



I also want to put the rim in the yard somewhere and have a campfire with Aurora before summer is completely over with. =] I think she would enjoy it.



I got some more stuff to journal with last night. I'm happy about that. I really need to force myself to write about all of what's going on instead of me just avoiding it over and over again.



Anyways, I'm out.

COMMENTS

-

---

fyre
20:57 Jul 27 2013

Honestly I am pretty sure that you would regret not seeing her if she was still willing to come. As for everything else thats going on... Hold the good close and let the wind carry the crap away.



And yeah, I can feel the break coming soon, I just don't know how bad it is going to be or what will be left after the flood has come and gone...

---

POST COMMENT

I never thought I would ever let anyone, especially another woman get this close to me. It hurts.



This hurts worse then when Brett was leaving me. It hurts on so many levels and it's not like I'm even stepping out of her life.



I don't know how to comprehend any of my emotions at this point. It's all up in the air.



I feel threatened for no reason. I feel trapped with my own thoughts. I've been doing a lot of things just to keep from thinking about it.



Most nights I can't stop crying and honestly I don't know why.



I never really expected a relationship, ever. I never really expected me to face my past or heal from it enough to do what we had talked and joked about, ever. I never expected it to be real, ever.



I never thought I would get to meet her because we had made plans in the past and it never got to happen. I never thought our feelings and things would developed where it had over the years.



And now that there's a possibility of that getting taken away, it hurts.



I want to run from it. All of it. And yet, I can't ever see running from her. I can't see my life without her. It's like we've unofficially been together without the physical stuff for years now. We both know so much about the other that's it's crazy. We have dragged the other through situations that the other didn't think they could make it through.



Yet now... I just want to hide from the possibility of it ever turning any kind of physical.



I keep debating about whether I even want to meet her face to face like we had been trying to figure out before the end of this year.



Seven years wanting to meet one person... and I don't want it to happen. Why? Because even though I'm terrified to hell about hugging or kissing her, I can't see myself turning away. I can't see us not doing it and I keep hoping I haven't just confused things so much that this is all one sided.



God, I feel like I'm absolutely crazy.

COMMENTS

-

---

slipknotbabe356
03:48 Jul 27 2013

*hugs* I'm here for you if you need to talk :)

---

DireConsequences
20:03 Jul 27 2013

Thank you, Jen. *hugs* I'm just having a hard time with what seems to be everything right now. That's all.

---

POST COMMENT

I feel as though I have lost hope and given up. I'm pretty sure I'm defeated.

I can't understand it. Why on earth would he be jealous of me? He has the nerve to do the things I want and more. It's not like I'm going to ever be able to just forget the past and get on with it. Since I couldn't or wouldn't or whatever anything else with Courtney, I doubt I would do so with her. Although I did suck barbeque sauce off of Court's toes in a drunken stupor.



But why would anyone be jealous of me? Seriously.



Then again, I can't see why she would ever want to be with me either. I feel like I'm a fat fuckin' mess that needs to get her own act together before anything else.



I don't know what's going to come from any of this nor a conversation about it. Hopefully some resolution of some kind.



I hate to admit it though. I always put friends first. If it becomes to much of a problem, she'll probably kill me but I'd step back and I think she knows it.



God, I hate being so considerate at times. This is just one of those things, I wish I could go for it. I would be lying if I didn't say so.

COMMENTS

-

---

Levity
15:57 Jul 22 2013

If it became a problem, I would step in myself, tell you both the terms of our relationships, then it's up to you where you go from there.

I can't force you to be friends, and you seem to be handling it well enough not to be enemies.



But when it comes down to it, I wouldn't choose between our friendship and my relationship. You would just have to figure it out.



I don't think that's unreasonable - I don't know if either of you realise how much you both mean to me.

In this life, I've learned a few things. One is that you can't bargain with friendships. The few friends I truly stand by, I stand by for life. They're unconditional, I know you'd never hurt me sort of things.

The other thing is that when two people really care about you, they respect you enough to be reasonable to each other.

I'm glad you're both those kind of people.



Oh, and when a guy deals with things like a man and not a little boy throwing a tantrum.. he's a keeper ♥

---

DireConsequences
16:25 Jul 22 2013

That's for sure about the man thing. X__X



And we'll figure it out, I'm sure. Hell, if not, I'm sure there would always be another time for us. But you know I'll never, ever stop being your friend and being an annoyance. Even if you would marry him, I'm sorry but I'm around for life. ^_^



Plus, as I said before, I never feel like I should censor what I say but to the obvious people like my stepdad and stuff.



I don't like keeping secrets and I refuse to feel like you're something I can't talk about. =]

---

Levity
16:32 Jul 22 2013

If you can't figure it out, then like I said, one of you isn't who I thought you were.

I'd like to think I know both of you well enough to say that you'll get along just fine.



You're both too nice for your own good sometimes. That's a rare trait, but it's sort of cool that you both have it.



I'd be the same if it weren't for my huge ego, lol xD

---

DireConsequences
16:35 Jul 22 2013

Oh yeah, Frankie, I definitely think you would have to wear the pants. Although, I'm your butt slut, aren't I?



♥



I adore you. I gotta get going! *huggles*

---

Levity
16:41 Jul 22 2013

Also, the thing about the toes?

That's pretty gross.

---

Levity
16:44 Jul 22 2013

Of course!

You will always be my buttslut ♥



I would never have it any other way!

I love you muchly. Be good!



X

---

Levity
16:54 Jul 22 2013

And no, you shouldn't have to censor yourself and I would never expect you to.



It's there whether anyone else sees it or not. I'd rather he knew the score and could deal with it rather than being paranoid of the unknown because you're scared to upset him. It's just better if you're honest about it.



He's threatened because he doesn't realise the exact dynamic of our relationship. If it's all out there, then there's no uncertainties. You two are just as weird as each other. A trait I adore in both of you.



I'm glad this is being sorted, and I'm glad you're not being pansies about it :3

---

Kanadian91
19:32 Jul 22 2013

*stamps his feet and throws a temper tantrum* Nah, I think I'm dealing better now. There were just things that both of us needed to lay out on the table for this to work, and I think they've been put out there now.



Like I've said in the messages. "I just want a happy life with Frankie, and its clear that life involves a decent amount of you in it as well. And I think I'm okay with that!"



And I think I am, now.



Also, yes. He's definitely a keeper. I agree 100%. Keep him. Never let him go. Thats a good idea. -nod-

---

POST COMMENT

Heh, before I get perverted messages. My kismet is from "Fuck U Silly" by Cassie (feat. Nicki Minaj). One of my fave songs at the moment. ^_^

COMMENTS

-

---

fyre
16:39 Jul 17 2013

SURE it is... yep I am sure it is...lol...

---

POST COMMENT

I just sent a couple of dirty pictures to another woman this morning. Like me getting fucked by a toy and fucking myself while bound kind of pictures. I've sent them to one guy too and wow, I must say... I've never taken pictures like that before... let alone EVER send anything. I've sent some breasts pictures but never nothing like this.



It makes me feel odd. I don't know.



I have to admit though... I think I look pretty smexy even though I'm a fatty fat fat.



I guess a lot is about to change about me. XD Heh, I doubt ex-boyfriends ever thought I would take pictures like that! LMAO!

COMMENTS

-

---

DireConsequences
14:42 Jul 17 2013

Oh and said pictures were not even originally pictures but a 12 minute video. LMAO! I took the still frames though.



I kind of freaked out at the end of it all so no one's seeing that. XD

---

fyre
14:48 Jul 17 2013

... It was fun.. But I will have to think of a way that I can get SEVERAL angles at once..... I think that could be fun...

---

DireConsequences
14:52 Jul 17 2013

No! I didn't even know you were recording anything. I asked you to take one picture. ONE PICTURE. Of me bound with my boobs harnessed. You freakin recorded a video! I wanted to KILL you.



And yet, since I couldn't remember what happened the like last 5 or so minutes, I'm glad for the video. I'm torn. Quite torn.



I'm frustrated that I freaked out before you played with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. I've been waiting for that for YEARS and I missed my opportunity.



I better get to do that with you. Or Frankie. X___X

---

fyre
15:01 Jul 17 2013

Poor Tiffy.... Whipped cream and chocolate... and you missed it... poort tiffy.... oh well, maybe later...



And the vid was a good thing...lol

---

DireConsequences
15:07 Jul 17 2013

Hey, you know what?



I'm proud of myself.



You know why?



Because I remembered the safety word. I was freaked out to hell and back and sobbing behind the bandana and yet, I remembered the safety word.



Usually you have to judge for yourself whether I've endured enough or not. Usually I forget the safety word because of it all.



I'm happy about that. I really, really am.



And excited because it means it has opened the doors to so much more because you can start trusting me to remember the damn safety word. XD

---

fyre
16:41 Jul 17 2013

Plus you know that the safe word stops everything... So I am sure that it a relief for you...

---

DireConsequences
16:46 Jul 17 2013

Okay, I think it's more the fact that now I know the safe word stops everything. Nothing has ever stopped before in my life because I said for it to.



I saw the video. I can see from that that I can trust you to stop it in a fast enough manner. I just think you and I need to talk more about what's pushing it too far.

---

POST COMMENT

I really don't think it's so wrong I've had threesomes with two guys but I would never have a threesome with a guy and girl. There's no way. Not with my past. Most of my scars and nightmares involve a female. I don't care to chance a flashback.



Hell, I'm insanely anxious because I like another woman a lot and want to do stuff. Actually want to do things with her. And I'm terrified of that feeling of wanting to do things.



God, I swear I'm going to go crazy trying to cope with things that happened years and years and years ago.

COMMENTS

-

---

fyre
15:40 Jul 11 2013

Technically its a bit one sided.... BUT it is understandable considering your past.... Considering the risks of a flashback are greater with a female, the reasoning is understandable... Like I told you the other day, your conditioning the other day is strong and deeply engrained and will be hard to break... I told you the best way I think to avoid the flashbacks and make sure you are safe and happy... On the plus side of things, SHE is a sub so that REALLY helps if you can conquer your fear there... LOL



Love you both and I will help when and how I can...

---

DireConsequences
15:43 Jul 11 2013

Yeah, well Brett, there is no way I would probably ever find the nerve to become Dom in any aspect. I may try to take control here and there but that's completely different.



I'm a lousy sub and can't take control because I'm terrified of it and being punished. It's stupid when it comes down to it.



I have no clue how the fuck to conquer everything from the past. You know that better then anyone. Don't you?



And I'm literally scared of hurting her if her and I would ever do anything together. I've almost hurt you. I've tried scratching my eyes out during a flashback and everything else.

---

fyre
15:53 Jul 11 2013

well I just lost a good long comment, so I am gonna shorten it...



Make HER your BITCH!



That is putting it bluntly... Your flashbacks are revolve around you losing your control, so if you TAKE control I think it will help prevent them.



I mean this in the best of ways so I hope noone takes offense.....



I wish I could help in this aspect, but I can't..

---

DireConsequences
16:09 Jul 11 2013

She's going to kick your ass when she sees you. And I wouldn't even know where to begin on trying to take any kind of control. Hell, I cry because I get frustrated when I try to take control with you. It's silly in so many different ways. I feel odd.

---

fyre
16:37 Jul 11 2013

You don't know how to take control because it is a foreign concept to you in the bedroom... I wish that there was some way I could help you grasp that control though. I think you would be much happier and more comfortable. Let me think on this and MAYBE I can figure something out... I am not sure though...



And if she kicks my ass so be it... I will take that punishment, especially if it helps you to take control...

---

DireConsequences
16:38 Jul 11 2013

No, you'll take her kicking your ass because she's smexy as all hell. ♥

---

fyre
16:44 Jul 11 2013

true true... she is smexy as hell.. and as long as I got to play before and/or after, yeah I don't think I would complain too much...lol... COULD be fun to be spanked!!!!

---

DireConsequences
16:45 Jul 11 2013

I'll make sure she knows she's got to be dressed up in a corset too. And I have to watch! LMAO!

---

Levity
22:58 Jul 13 2013

-belch-

---

Kanadian91
21:09 Jul 16 2013

I'll just stand over here and observe ;)

---

DireConsequences
14:03 Jul 17 2013

Observe what if I may ask? LMAO! *poke poke*

---

fyre
14:12 Jul 17 2013

Observers are not always welcome.... but we will see...

---

DireConsequences
14:18 Jul 17 2013

So what happened to your big long comment, Brett Allen? I mean, as long as it's only me that you're going to throw under the bus that's fine. Say anything bout me Frankie and I'll kick you... repeatedly. ^____^



And Bren, I actually have a phobia about being watched. I think I told Frankie about Mr. Bubbles. He's watching. Yes, he's watching.



And I'm a good bit messed up. I got issues.

---

fyre
14:26 Jul 17 2013

Yeah... Bren, no watching allowed... although you could watch me get spanked I guess, but then you and I have to leave the premises.... No cameras or recording devices allowed in the room... So sad but true.... Oh well, we will go play D&D or video games while the girls are busy I guess

---

DireConsequences
14:35 Jul 17 2013

Oh my gosh, you guys are talking about observing and crap and I'm like all freaked the fuck out of how this would even work. O____O Frankie, get in touch with your Dom side! LMAO! I'm sure it would be easier then me trying to take control of my own. X_X I feel like I'm going to get hurt badly every time I've tried and I fail miserably because of that!



This seems like it's going to be the weirdest damn four way friendship in history. Hahaha!

---

fyre
14:42 Jul 17 2013

... It is a risk.... BUT it could work.... could.... gotta look at the risks and how to mitigate them.... I think that the only way to keep everything alright is to hit the extremes... so if a Frankie is going to dom, well then, I think your inner sub will be very pleased... Or you could dom, or neither of you could dom... I don't know... I haven't had to think about this in YEARS, and yeah I have thought about it... I was better then....



Either way I got my fingers crossed a FUN night....

---

DireConsequences
14:47 Jul 17 2013

What the fuck?!



You've thought about this! Like how the hell often?



Oh my gosh, I guess it's better you then Tony anymore. No offense, Tony.



And I'll admit, I get wet thinking about her dominating me in any way. But then again, I get wet thinking bout her tied up too. LMAO! I've had dreams about both.



Frankie, log the fuck on! LMAO!

---

fyre
14:52 Jul 17 2013

Umm, basically since I figured out that you were into her... Remember back then I was alot better. I could think clearer and was more collected, so I was trying to figure out how to make it happen for you... WOULD have to if the damn department didn't close down...

---

DireConsequences
14:55 Jul 17 2013

You know when I first started liking her, she was a little underage, right?! It made me feel like such a damn perv.



And I need to start packing a small vibe in my bookbag to um relieve myself.



LMFAO! I feel dirty.

---

fyre
14:59 Jul 17 2013

Yeah, I know she was underage THEN!!! BUT you would have had to wait.. but it would have been worth it..

---

DireConsequences
15:02 Jul 17 2013

Brett, it's been like years and years and YEARS since it's gone on and we've both been interested in each other... and it's more then worth the wait to even meet up even if nothing ever happens. XD She's just that awesome.

---

Kanadian91
18:00 Jul 17 2013

Actually. -Laces fingers behind his head- I'd have every right to get involved, if it came down to it ;)

---

Levity
18:13 Jul 17 2013

You're both insane.



And yes, I am awesome.

---

Kanadian91
18:26 Jul 17 2013

I wouldn't be with you if you weren't, Frankie.

---

DireConsequences
13:48 Jul 18 2013

So you want kneed in the nads? =]



Really?



LMAO! I'm a ball buster by nature. ♥



And yes Frankie, you are awesome! Otherwise, I don't think this friendship would have lasted this long. XD



So I still want to know what kind of new thing you got.

---

Kanadian91
18:25 Jul 18 2013

I'd rather my particulars not receive a knee. Then they wouldn't work, and I'm pretty sure Frankie would be annoyed at that D:

---

POST COMMENT

Why does it bother me that she doesn't see me ever calling it quits completely with Brett?



It's really, really getting to me.



Ugh!



I hope I have the strength and wisdom that if the day comes I know there's no hope at all for a relationship with Brett and I that I turn my back and keep on walking.

Whoo! I adore Anthony! ♥ He gave me his Netflix stuff so I could get on and have something else to do at McDonalds. That's just amazingly awesome of him!



Aurora's been talking with him a lot when he calls. =] She can't wait to meet him. XD



Brett's been... eh, Brett?



He's irritating and frustrating and yet, I love him and sometimes hate it.



He's getting better. We've been playing video games with each other. =] It's something.



I don't know if we'll ever be okay again but I hope so.



As for Anthony, I make sure he doesn't think or except something to happen. I just don't want to hurt him and I make sure he knows what I say is true on not wanting it to go any further until I'm absolutely sure it's over between Brett and I and that day might not come.



I don't know what I'm going to do. I've decided that I'm going to work on Brett and I and yet, he doesn't seem to want to do it. I'm confused by that. And frustrated.

I've been sending Brett with Aurora to preschool the past couple of days. That's the reason why I haven't been on. I just wanted to get a bunch of stuff done around the house and relax playing some video games.



I'm thinking of starting back up on Final Fantasy XIII again. I'm not sure though. I've been playing Need For Speed: Most Wanted. I'm already at Blacklist #5 or #4 (I forget which one).



I've gotten the kitchen done, the living room, and Aurora's room. I just need to wipe down the walls. XD I plan on getting new linoleum for the kitchen but it's going to have to wait. Where it came up, I place new done overlapping the old for right now. I need to replace some of the drop ceiling tiles in the kitchen too.



I plan on hitting the bathroom tomorrow if there's nothing else going on.



The worse place that needs cleaned is mine and Brett's bedroom. Since we've broken up, I just haven't made it a priority.



Yesterday's been the worst day I've had on this 1200 calorie diet. I woke up in the morning with my stomach killing me from all the cleaning and the exercise session I made time for from the day before and just the diet too, I'm sure. I keep feeling like I was going to vomit. I didn't eat until about 11 and only had two meals. I only used up about 900 calories and over half was Cherry Coke because I was stressed about this weekend with my family and fireworks. I ended up puking up some of what I did eat/drink. So it was just a LONG suckish day. I'm glad it's over.



I'm at McDonalds and so I'm having a side salad with ranch and a fruit, yogurt parfait with their granola and water to drink.



I can't believe I went over my carbs yesterday. Or that I ate so little. I didn't see the point in eating something that just wasn't going to stay down though.



Aurora loves preschool still. She made a bracelet yesterday and had pizza and pop for snack. XD Sounds pretty good to me.



She's such a little brat sometimes.

COMMENTS

-

---

Levity
08:45 Jul 04 2013

Just keep going with it sweetheart, you're doing brilliantly. I'm very proud of you ♥



I'm actually getting on here more often now, so you can always hit me up on here if you want somewhere a little quieter than Facebook to chat!



Love you squillions! ♥

---

POST COMMENT